Monday, March 16, 2015

Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire

I haven't been this pissed off reading a book since Bad Romeo. Beautiful Disaster was a cluster eff of a read managing to throw everything I hate in a book into one novel.   
My first issue with this book are the characters. Our leading lady is Abby Abernathy. Then there's our leading man Travis Maddox. I can capture my feels for both of them at the same time. I HATE THEM!!! I CAN'T STAND THEM!!!! Actually that really undersells how I feel towards them but whatever. Abby is DUMB! there's is no other word I can use to describe her. I have never wanted to tear a characters hair out more than hers. She is such a plain character that turns out to be more boring than watching paint dry. It's clear that the writer wanted to make it out to be that Abby would be this special snowflake but it was the fail of fails. Her sub story is that she comes from this terrible up-bringing... Even though the premise behind her tale was set up to be a success it too failed! This brings me to Travis... Oh God I don't even know where to start with this this Patrick Bateman in training. This boy was two shakes of lambs tail away from cutting Abby up and making her into a skin suit. I would gladly let "Mr. Grey see me now" than let him touch me with a ten foot pole. He is creepy, abusive, controlling, scary, unattractive, cocky, and bizarre. This dude is beyond unstable. I also imagine him to be a  mouth breather so that just adds to the growing list of reason I hated him. McGuire writes it so that Travis is this womanizing-college frat-man whore. Girls vagina literately bust out of their pants every time they see him. This causing me to roll my eyes so hard that they almost dislodged from my head!

This leads me to problem two and three with this book. Maybe it's just me (doubtful but maybe) but if I was about to hook up with a dude and I opened his besides table and there was an endless amount of condoms and KY Jelly I would fly out of that room so fast that boy would think he was Dorthy... And if that didn't make up my mind then the fact that he brings home not one, but TWO girls and sleeps with them in the living room while I'M IN HIS BED! would of had me never ever speaking to him again. NO GIRL IN HER RIGHT MIND WOULD HAVE SWEPT THAT UNDER THE RUG! The scene made me want to vomit then drink the cleaning  products under my sink. Travis has major bipolar, drinking, jealousy, and personality issues. Travis also manages to keep Jesus abs the whole time without ever working out... HA NO! 

My fourth issue is the "love triangle"... It slightly reflected the same way the one from Twilight did, as in it was pointless. You never once think that Bella's not going to choose Edward. Never once did you think. "Wow Jacob might actually win the girl", No! that doesn't happen! Why this B would choose the travesty that is Travis over the handsome pre-doctor gentlemen is beyond me... Again Maybe that's just me. On to issue five, NO GUY NO GUY EVER!!!! WITH ANY AMOUNT OF PRIDE, STANDARDS, OR EVEN ONE WITH HALF A BRAIN WOULD LET THE GIRL THEY ARE COURTING SLEEP IN THE BED WITH ANOTHER MAN. You're telling me that you still want to take this girl on a date even though she is living with another man and laying in bed with him every night (no the pre-doc wasn't clueless to these acts)?!?!?! YOU STILL THOUGHT SHE'D END UP WITH YOU?!?! Please GTFOOH! No, there's no way I'm believing this. I also don't believe Abby could be dangling these two dudes by their balls when they both openly know she is bouncing between them like that white ball in a game of pong. Nope, again I just can't!  

My sixth issue is the plot. It's all over the place. It's one spotty scene after another of Travis trying to dick measure with any and every guy. Once I heard this dude had tribal tattoos and was in an underground fight club (did I fail to mention this, YEAH HE IS IN A POOR EXCUSE FOR A FIGHT CLUB!!!) I should have known to put this book down... HMMMM TRAVIS I HATE TO BREAK IT TOO YOU BUT YOU ARE NO BRAD PITT. I also struggled to remember if this was high school or college... They had a set freaking lunch time!!! Did no one else catch that?! Oh and the fact that Travis kept beating the snot out of people with NO repercussions! WHERE THE EFF WAS THE PRINCIPAL DEAN??? OH and don't get me started on the whole high-school musical sing along thing. (Seriously, what the hell did I just read?) No just No!  

My seventh and I think final issue (JK I could probably go on for days) with this book are the sub-characters. America is the worst best friend in history of friends. Shep is the worst family member in the history of the world. The only character that I thought made any sense was Kara!! She was the only character I liked. I kept screaming "THANK YOU!" every time she spoke!  

"Do you know what codependency is, Abby? Your boyfriend is a prime example, which is creepy considering he went from having no respect for women at all to thinking he needs you to breathe."

Why Abby kept blowing her off also blew my mind. There were just so many things I couldn't get behind. I know that the great part about books are that they can be anything. That they can go anywhere real or unrealistic. But this was just to far from either. I just can't really get over how much I disliked everything about this book. The characters, weak. The plot, weaker. The romance, the weakest.

Whatever Walking Deads on so I'm over this.

 2/10 Stars